Well its 9am, and I’ve got class from 12-9pm today. I really am starting to hate class. Seems like I have no time for anything else. When I’m not in class I’m either doing homework, or if it’s the weekend I’m shooting on DV for class projects. I haven’t had a chance to go camping or hiking in a LONG time. It’s starting to give me cabin fever. I need to get out of Wilmington and into the hills. I was born and raised in the Allegany mountains on the NY/PA border. Flat land will make any “highlander” crazy. I’ve done three years of it too. I always think its funny how people love to come to the beach like it’s some precious jewel. There must not be any other places that have water meeting earth like say, a lake, anyway… I was like that once, long hair, shell necklace, Jack Johnson in my cd player and visions of a sandy paradise where all my problems would fade away. Oh how I was wrong. The only thing Wilmington has given me is an overpriced education(something in the order of 65 grand for three years, not including my first year at Albany), and a hatred for the high valued materialism that seems to go hand in hand with beach towns. Anymore, it’s condos and strip malls, oh and I can’t forget the BMW’s and Land Rovers. With the stress of graduation coming soon, I’m losing it I think. I keep thinking that if this is how I feel about Wilmington a growing city of 100,000, how am I going to feel if I have to move to LA or New York. Quite honestly I don’t want to do either of those. Let alone I have no idea how to even get a job in the film industry(that’s one of the things they don’t teach us). Although they are making The Monkey Wrench Gang into a film, that’s something I’d gladly be a coffee gopher for free…but alas I’ll be in Alaska for two weeks in June and shooting on that starts in May.
I need to get centered again. Hike into the mountains for a good week and forget about everything. Unfortunately that’s only going to put off the stress of not knowing what the hell do to with my life. I’d love to be 18 again. Live in a perpetual summer of cycling, working out, driving around the green hills of northern Pa and western NY. I’d go boating every week and get a tan that would never fade. I’d go out to eat with my dad every couple nights at Mickey’s, and take my dogs for a walk in the 5 acres behind my house while my mom tended to the nearly equivalent sized garden. Unfortunately, that’s not the “real world”. Instead I’m going to have to get a job and pay the bills. I don’t mind having a job, but I refuse to have one just for the sake of working. I’m determined to do work in film, and not just doing 1st ac or camera work for commercials. I’ve thought about doing a documentary, but there’s not a lot of money in it and it takes time which I don’t have much of. Come October of this year I’m going to have to start paying those loans back. Jesus, it sucks being an idealist. I don’t know, I guess I’ll have figure it out, don’t have much of a choice. It’ll be interesting to see if I can combine my idealism with being successful career in the film business. Any advice anyone? Anyway enough of this jibber jabber, I’ve gotta take a dump.